WESTWARD HO!

WESTWARD HO!

Gavel Gamut by Jim Redwine 

www.jamesmredwine.com

Peg is a born Yankee from New York and northern Indiana. Her family, on both sides of both sides, came to America from Ireland. I am pretty sure Peg’s ancestors brought every piece of furniture they owned with them across the ocean because she and I are now moving a lot of that stuff to Oklahoma. I can relate to those Irish husbands who were ordered by their wives to pack everything from giant kettles to pipe organs into and on top of the ships that headed west from Ireland a hundred and seventy-five years or so ago. With Peg it was a huge antique bed, several sets of family china and, of course, a very heavy piano, just to mention a few of the items we are dragging further west from Indiana to Osage County, Oklahoma.

After Peg and I got an estimate of $18,000 to move our things from Indiana to the Tallgrass Prairie, I suggested we just leave everything we owned but our toothbrushes in our Indiana home and leave the doors unlocked. My thought was that 90% of our stuff had never been unpacked from when we moved 12 years ago so why worry about it. Peg demurred as we say in the law.

“Jim, if you are moving me across the Mississippi River into the Wild West I am taking some semblance of civilization with me. For all I know there isn’t even a Walmart within 20 miles of that cabin.”

It turns out she is right. However, just as mushrooms appear magically after a spring rain, there is a Dollar General store about every square mile from Indiana to Oklahoma. Peg was not assuaged by this observation.

Peg and I are married and as most couples do we discuss and pretend to negotiate major issues such as moving. Our so-called negotiation has gone somewhat as follows. “Peg, let’s accept that we cannot cram the contents of a 4,000 square foot modified barn into a 2,000 square foot log cabin.”

“Fine, Jim, we’ll take my half of our things and you can just leave your silly toys such as your tractor, zero-turn mower, golf cart, guns and stupid books behind. That should give us enough room.”

“Well, can we at least take only one sample of each thing?”

“I suppose so. I really could wear the same clothes every day and we can just take two plates and two forks. No one will find us out there anyway so why have extras for guests.”

“Now, don’t get all out of sorts. I meant can’t we pare down a little? Do we really need to plan for all your relatives to come by making sure we have preserved every bit of Irish paraphernalia that was shipped across the Atlantic and is now being dragged halfway across America?”

That was probably a tactical error on my part as it gave Peg this opening – “That’s easy for you to say, most people out there are related to you!”

I sensed all of our faux-negotiation was over and acquiesced to fate. On the other hand, I really didn’t want to spend $18,000 to move. It turns out that would have been a bargain. And I am sure our friends we recruited to help would agree. I would name them and thank them publicly, but I do not wish to make any future lawsuits against us for back injuries automatic losers. Maybe if I don’t admit responsibility in print some future judge won’t put judgement liens on everything we own. But surely our friends will forgive us for having them lift items that weigh more than a buffalo.

Another problem is we not only have to load everything Peg wants moved, we have to unload it all too. That means calling on new-found Oklahoma friends for help. I notice these new friends are getting harder to find. And you may recall we had that little problem of stuffing 4,000 square feet of stuff into 2,000 square feet. I suggested we simply drive it to Goodwill and dump it all. Wrong again! What Peg demanded was that we build a bunkhouse to handle the overflow. That $18,000 quickly disappeared in the rearview mirror. By the way, we just completed our eighth trip with a loaded trailer hauled by a loaded pickup and followed by a loaded car. On the other hand, we probably have only about five more loads to go!

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