Phenomenol Lover; Poor Provider


Dear Lil,

Recently my husband of 10 years, (we’ll call him Fred), has lost yet another job. Throughout our 10 year marriage, Fred has lost 6 jobs. That’s an average of 1.5 jobs a year! Even in this tough economy, it seems that his bad luck has turned into a bad habit.

We don’t get to spend much time together because Fred ends up taking jobs that he thinks will propel him into wealth or fame. In the end, he ends up getting looked over, walked on and let go.

While our love is strong and the love making is phenomenal, I am feeling a little overwhelmed by the fact that my hubby can’t seem to make a job stick. I’ve had the same job for 20 years and I make good money, but we need two stable incomes to feel financially secure.

Lil, I need your advice on how to handle Fred’s job issues. Do I continue to support him, with mouth closed, while he pursues another fairytale job that ends in nothing? Or do I finally open my mouth, hold his hand and force him to take a job that will bring stability?


Dear, Dear, Bertie,

Well honey, it sounds like you’ve got your hands full with old Fred! First of all, I can’t believe you’ve been able to keep your mouth shut for so long! It sounds like your marriage is good, but Fred doesn’t want to grow up. It’s time you put some steam behind your man’s engine and get him moving!

Start by talking to Fred at a time when he is likely to listen. We all know a man can’t do two things at once, so make sure he isn’t watching football or reading the newspaper or planning a marathon love session. Sit down with this man and tell him how you really feel. (If it helps, make a PowerPoint presentation detailing his past failure and success rates.)

All you really need to do is let him see how much you love him, and how much you need him to grow up. Sugar-coat every sweet little word you say, and make it easy for him to understand. Bring in a list of open jobs you think he would be good at, but make sure they are stable and bring good pay. Better yet, take Fred down to WorkOne on Walnut Street and drop him off for a few hours. Maybe he can learn how to properly create a resume or search for jobs online.

I hope this makes it easier for you to communicate your upsets with dear old Fred. He needs to know that you will not support another dead-end job and that you know he is capable of more. If all else fails, cut off Fred’s financial support and get separate bank accounts.

Love and Kisses,


  1. Lil,

    The gal who wrote that she has had the same job for 20 years, but doesn’t make enough to support herself and her boy-toy, must not be an accountant. Her math skills are sadly lacking. If “Fred” had 6 jobs in 10 years, he averaged 1.67 years at each place of employment. That is an elementary school math problem. Did you not pick up on that, or were you too busy thinking up suggestions that you imagine would make you appear clever?

    Your attire convinces me that you are a good cook. That’s because your taste is all in your mouth.

  2. NoMoDoh,

    I realize that Bertie didn’t list her occupation, so maybe she just isn’t too good with numbers. I didn’t catch it either, but I’ll forgive dear Bertie since concern for her marriage is the issue at hand. I feel that it is my duty in life to promote a positive outlook with a dash of humor and a splash of good taste. I apologize if my suggestion to Bertie didn’t make you smile today.

    I was visiting a fashion friend in New York when I designed the dress in my bio photo, and I did receive great praise from a few well-known designers. Everyone has their own style, and what suits one may not suit another.

    As far as cooking, well sweetie I do praise myself for my delicious and down-home catfish fiddlers. Mmm, I can taste ’em now!

    Love and kisses,
    LIL 🙂

Comments are closed.