Mike Keefe / Cagle Cartoons
Raging Moderate by Will Durst
To taunt his rival and sow seeds of evangelical doubt, Rafael Edward “Ted†Cruz informed Donald Trump that the rest of the country was concerned about his alarming New York Values, totally ignoring the greater danger of the real estate developer’s aerodynamic coif toppling over and knocking innocent supporters unconscious with its hard candy shell.
The jibe was designed as a sly, wink-wink, nudge-nudge attack resurrecting deeply buried stereotypes about urban areas that also managed to carry a faint whiff of racism and anti-Semitism. It’s a dog-whistle the size of the Louisiana Purchase on steroids.
This geographic schism has been celebrated in literature for centuries and elevated to a hoary trope by politicians in order to highlight their imagined connection to real rural folk. But if Cruz is the country mouse and Trump the city mouse, a lot of people are rooting for large herds of feral cats to make a speedy entrance.
It’s an age-old rivalry. The difference between paths and sidewalks. Simplicity and glamor. Open spaces or 24-hour supermarkets. Porches versus high-rises. Red and blue. Mosquitoes and muggers. Meadows and low-fat caramel macchiatos.
But is it fair to make sweeping generalizations solely based on longitude and latitude? Well, yes, it is. So, besides New York, what other clichés and prejudices do our little minds instantly make when presented with specific locales? Glad you asked.
New Yorkie Values involve a lot of yipping and the sound of toenails scratching on linoleum.
New Jersey Values are almost exactly like New Yorkie Values but with bigger hair.
New Mexico Values boil every question down to whether it goes better with red or green chilies.
New Orleans Values mean partying like there’s no tomorrow and encourages yesterday to bleed into tomorrow and the next day.
New Hampshire Values believe in not just the electric chair, but electric bleachers.
New England Patriots Values mean doing anything and everything to win, including the blurring of boundaries that lesser competitors might consider “the rules.â€
New Balance Values take into account sneakers and sneaker accessories.
New Zealand Values revolve around sheep and sheep accessories including effluvium.
New Caledonia Values indicate the matrix that occurs when French culture meets the remote South Pacific. Think Tahiti without all the hustle and bustle.
New Delhi Values include not just the hustle and bustle but also cows and cow effluvium where you least expect them.
Washington DC Values are a mix of New Yorkie Values, New England Patriots Values and New Delhi Values.
Hollywood Values are reduced to, “Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me.â€
Florida Values are indicative of folks who think just plain crazy is not giving it your all.
Texas Values mostly have to do with barbecue, guns and executing people, not necessarily in that order.
Wisconsin Values are totally measured by how the Green Bay Packers are doing. And cheese.
Arkansas Values are more family oriented, and totally understand that fathers can be uncles at the same time.
San Francisco Values are indicative of a tolerance for almost anything, except the intolerant. That we cannot abide.
Berkeley Values are not as restrictive as San Francisco Values.
Madison Values are similar to Berkeley Values but mitigated by snow and cheese and the Packers.
Maine Values are none of your business.
Cruz is another blowhard idiot. Perfect for the Republican party. The GOP is on its death bed, unless of course they succeed in their plan to take away voting rights from minorities and women.
This is getting more interesting by the minute. Not sure where this is gonna fall on the GOP Primary…bet is on Trump. But the Republican Party……is eating itself from all sides, the Tea Party that wants to win at all costs (Trump followers), the Tea Party that hates everyone who lives in urban America and who isn’t white and Christian (Cruz), and the small-government, pro-business GOP that wants an efficient and effective government (the Chamber of Commerce GOP – the real Republican Party).
If Trump wins Iowa, Cruz is gone, but the CoC wing will start launching an all out war against Trump.
No matter which way….the Tea Party guys are dead-meat in the future. No one wants them….and this fight that’s going on…..this is just them eating their own as the price of being dismissed over the last 4-8 years by the GOP. (“Well, we may not win it all, but we’ll be happy watching you go down in flames.”)
Where’s this GOP you’re talking about? I have seen on of those in nearly eight years. In fact, it might be nigh-on two decades since I have seen a true red one.
It’s a good point. They’ve had to govern w/ Democrats, so they do things required by compromise.
The red-meat GOP guys (who you are looking for), who say they are for NO compromise…..don’t live in the actual world, and they’re raising money, or donating money to Tea Party fundraisers exploiting them.
Currently there are 31 Republican controlled State Legislatures, and 11 Democrat controlled State legislatures. There are 23 Republican controlled State Governments( Legislatures and Governor are Republican), and 7 Democrat controlled State Governments (Legislatures and Governor are Democrats)
There are the most Republican Representatives in the House of Representatives since 1949.
Given these actual figures,–Call them Rinos, or True Republicans, the GOP is hardly on the Ropes.
Yes Crash,
Near entirely, Chamber of Commerce Republicans. I agree. Doing great. Govern based on economics and business…… and NOT national cultural policies (like immigration reform, Supreme Court picks, Judicial appointments, etc).
The national Republican Party? The one that supports Senate and White House Presidential races?
In a tough spot.
Somebody’s getting kicked out of the boat. This is the year.
If Cruz wins the GOP nomination and runs against Hillary Clinton and/or Michael Bloomberg,
the Republican Party could lose as many as 24 US Senate seats this year.
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