IS IT TRUE? May 19, 2011 ACE Purple

IS IT TRUE? May 19, 2011 ACE Purple

IS IT TRUE that the University of Evansville is considering giving mascot Ace Purple a makeover as part of the move to the Downtown Evansville Arena?…that everyone needs to change with the times and that old Ace is no exception to the rule?…that the last time Ace Purple went through a makeover he was changed from a perfectly intimidating riverboat gambler with a club and a gun INTO a thing that former California Governor Arnold Swartzenegger would call a “GIRLY MAN”?…that Ace in his present form seems more like a bridge playing senior citizen that looks forward to early bird dinners than a riverboat gambler?…that mascots are meant to intimidate and that modern day Ace would not scare a flea?…that in the spirit of competition and intimidation that UE should consider the following as ways to spice up the ballgames and the mascot?

IS IT TRUE that Ace Purple needs a new ride?…that the golf cart is the symbol of leisure and retirement and that it has no place in Ace Purple’s garage?… that Ace Purple needs a Purple HEARSE in his garage with the name of the visiting team shrouding the casket in the back?…that no self respecting wise guy riverboat gambler dresses like Mr. Roark from Fantasy Island and has no girlfriend(s)?…that Ace Purple needs two or more hot babes that accompany him everywhere?…that to attract the kind of babes that Ace Purple wants he needs to hit the gym and give the rest of Evansville and example for getting into shape?…that Ace Purple’s transformation into being an intimidating mascot starts in the gym and a trip to an image consultant?…that the image to send is that of a bad dude with an IQ of 160 that is that master of no limit poker and a fan of UE sports?…that if there are cards involved that up the sleeve is the place for them?…that a gold tooth would add to the image as would a saturday night special in his boot?…that a shiny switchblade and some brass knuckles could come out at tip off time?…that the image that Ace Purple should have is one of Conan the Barbarian that makes a living playing poker because he is the smartest and meanest dude at the table?…that an intimidating Ace will have all of the trappings of the lifestyle of Superfly Evansville style?…that no one fears Mr. Rogers and that this move should be the end of the Mr. Rogers look and demeanor of Ace Purple?

IS IT TRUE that the UE pep band needs to add some new songs to the pregame mix too?…that “Poker Face” would go well with the bad boy mascot?…that “Purple Rain” should have been in the play list for 20 years now to commemorate the raining of three point baskets by the Purple Aces?…that “Purple Haze” should have been on the playlist for 40 years to celebrate the mental state of the opponents when they take a beating from the Purple Aces?

IS IT TRUE that sharpening the sword or the switchblade and adding a little edge is something that all of Evansville has needed for a very long time and that making a lovable cuddly Ace Purple back into someone to be reckoned with might just put a little fight back into the team and the fans?…that successful spectator sports all incorporate intimidating mascots with all of the trappings into the mix and UE should take a lesson from that playbook?…that any team called the Pirates that lets their mascot wither into the greeter at Red Lobster is doing their team and their fan base a disservice?…that it is time for Ace Purple to be a real mascot as opposed to an oversized beanie baby?

IS IT TRUE that this is the genius, the edge, and the image of an ACE PURPLE that intimidates?