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HOT JOBS
From DOGE to DOPE: A Tale of Government and Party Efficiency
From DOGE to DOPE: A Tale of Government and Party Efficiency
by JOE WALLACE
DECEMBER 10, 2024
In an age where acronyms reign supreme, the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) has captivated the hearts of efficiency enthusiasts and meme lords alike. With its noble mission to root out waste and introduce accountability into the labyrinth of government spending, DOGE has garnered respect (and a chuckle or two) for taking on the Herculean task of whipping bureaucracy into shape.
But as the spotlight shines on DOGE, another acronym has emerged from the shadows: DOPE—the Department of Party Efficiency. It seems the Democratic National Committee (DNC), in a bid to tighten its financial belt, has taken efficiency to a whole new level by laying off most of its campaign staff with no severance, despite previously promising employment through the end of the year.
If DOGE is about fiscal prudence, DOPE is about… well, something else entirely. The name fits like a glove, and we’re here to explore the potential of this newly minted department in a spirit of humor and mild disbelief.
The Mission of DOPE
Unlike DOGE, which combs through government budgets to find absurdities like $2,000 coffee makers for a conference room no one uses, DOPE would be the master of party logistics, streamlining political operations with the same delicate touch as a bull in a china shop. The first official act of DOPE, naturally, was to demonstrate its efficiency by eliminating payroll expenses faster than you can say “campaign finance.”
One could almost imagine the internal memo:
“Dear Staff, In our relentless pursuit of efficiency, we have decided to downsize immediately. Your positions are terminated effective now, which technically makes you more efficient because you no longer have to clock in. Thank you for your service! Sincerely, DOPE.”
What Could DOPE Do Next?
The possibilities are endless. Let’s speculate on how DOPE might further its mission:
- Cutting Corners on Campaign Events
Why spend millions on glossy rallies with balloons, banners, and Beyoncé performances? DOPE would likely suggest renting the back room of a chain pizza restaurant. Bonus points if you can lure voters in with a buy-one-get-one-free buffet deal. - Robo-Calls for Fundraising
Forget high-priced fundraisers with celebrity hosts. DOPE could unleash a battalion of robo-calls featuring messages like: “Hi, this is DOPE. We don’t have much money, but we’d love it if you could Venmo us $5 for pizza.” - Recycling Political Signs
Why print new campaign signs every election? Just slap a sticker with the latest candidate’s name over the old ones. Sure, the voters might be confused when they see “Hope and Change” with a DOPE twist, but efficiency knows no bounds. - Efficiency in Messaging
Complex policy platforms are so last decade. DOPE could pioneer the one-word campaign slogan: “Stuff.” It’s vague, unoffensive, and open to interpretation. - Transportation Savings
Private jets? Out. Greyhound buses? In. Better yet, encourage candidates to carpool with their constituents. Nothing says “man of the people” like sitting in the middle seat of a minivan.
Why the Name Is Perfect
DOPE captures the essence of its brand. It suggests a whimsical blend of audacity and cluelessness that would make even the most hardened bureaucrat grin. It’s a name that says, “We don’t know what we’re doing, but we’re doing it efficiently!”
The term “dope” itself has a rich history, oscillating between slang for brilliance (“That’s dope!”) and idiocy (“What a dope!”). The Department of Party Efficiency embodies both meanings, depending on which side of the severance letter you’re sitting on.
A Word of Advice for DOPE
While DOPE’s debut performance has certainly caught our attention, it might want to take a page from DOGE’s playbook. Transparency and trust go a long way in building goodwill. Perhaps the next memo from DOPE could include an apology—or at least a pizza party for the staff they just axed.
In the meantime, we can only marvel at DOPE’s ability to generate headlines. After all, who needs a communications team when your efficiency measures are the talk of the town?
So here’s to DOGE and DOPE, acronyms that remind us there’s always room for improvement—whether in government, parties, or the lexicon of efficiency. Now, if only we could create a Department of Common Sense (DOCS), we might
BUSINESS REVIEW: Lonestar Serves Great BBQ
by Johnny Kincaid
I don’t usually write business reviews, but because I believe in supporting locally owned businesses and love eating really good Bar B Q, I recommend trying Lonestar Bar B Q on Washington Avenue. The owner recently made a prayer request on Facebook because business was slow during the fall months.
I’ve visited Lonestar several times, and the food always impresses me. The menu is simple and straightforward, exactly what I expect from a good BBQ joint. They offer beef, pork, chicken, sausage plates, sandwiches, nachos, and BBQ potatoes. The offerings for sides is equally simple, and soft drinks are served in cans instead of a fountain. If you’ve been to what I call “real deal” BBQ places, you’ve come to expect the simplicity and the counter service.
On my most recent visit, I ordered a rib plate. The ribs come already cut to single St. Louis-style ribs. You can always tell when a pitmaster is proud of the quality of his product because the sauce is served on the side. I’m a believer that great BBQ needs no sauce. The ribs have a smokey flavor and are tender with the consistency of good competition ribs. The sauce is flavorful and not too sweet, with a nice little kick. If you want a big kick, they have a hotter sauce you can ask for.
When it comes to ribs, I have a bit of experience sampling different styles. When Shlers was open in Evansville, JB sauced the ribs and cooked the sweet glaze, turning them into meat candy. It was so good that I had to take racks to Florida to share when I visited my buddy Mike Harvey. On the other end of the scale, I love going to Rondesvou in Memphis for their amazing dry-rub ribs, and one time, I even tried to propose to the chef at Hard Rock in DC because the ribs with watermelon BBQ sauce were so awesome.
Among the sides at Lonestar, the green beans stand out. First, they are sweet, and then there’s a little kick of heat. The potato salad is good but not remarkable, and the cornbread is sweet and moist.
Be aware that a real pit boss at a real-deal BBQ joint knows how much meat he is able to smoke during a day without compromising quality. Great pit masters don’t cook a bunch of meat ahead of time in hopes of selling it later. Quality is far more important than quantity. That means that great BBQ joints will sometimes run out of product, and there are days that Lonestar has to inform customers that they are sold out of some items. It’s just part of the price you pay for real BBQ.
Buy local, dine local, and support our local business owners.
Zombie Farm Creepy Christmas: Island of Misfit Toys to Benefit Warrick Humane Society
Zombie Farm Creepy Christmas: Island of Misfit Toys!
Newburgh, Indiana – Our annual Creepy Christmas event in collaboration with the Newburgh Civitan Zombie Farm is here! This year’s theme is the Island of Misfit Toys and will be taking place Friday, December 13th and Saturday, December 14th. Nothing goes better with holiday cheer than fear, especially when all proceeds go to Warrick Humane Society and helps us in our mission to help homeless and abandoned animals in the tri-state area!
Event Highlights:
● When?: December 13th and 14th from 6pm-10pm
● No-Scare Hours: For anyone who doesn’t like getting scared, there will be no-scare
Hours from 5-6pm on both days!
● Cost: During no-scare hours it will be $5 per person. During normal hours, it’s $10
per person or $5 for kids aged 10 and under.
● Support Rescue: All proceeds benefit the Warrick Humane Society! Support our
mission to help dogs and cats in need in the tri-state area.
● While You Wait: There will also be a family friendly waiting area with a Warrick
Humane Society merch table, a holiday treats table with lots of goodies (including
hot chocolate), a holiday back-drop for pictures, and puppy snuggles for a donation!
About Warrick Humane Society: Warrick Humane Society, a no-kill shelter located in Newburgh, Indiana. It was founded in 1983 by a handful of dedicated volunteers who rescued lost, injured and neglected animals. Since WHS opened their building in 1997 and began actively working with Animal Control agencies and other rescue organizations, WHS has saved thousands of animals and placed them in loving homes. Warrick Humane Society is a 501(c)(3) no-kill rescue dedicated to improving companion animals’ lives. WHS does not receive any funding from taxes or any national organizations. WHS is funded entirely by individual and corporate donations, bequests, grants and fundraising events.
Because all animals adopted by WHS are spayed/neutered, vaccinated, treated for parasites and microchipped as well as receiving any other special care they may need, finding enough funding is always a challenge.
Evansville Retired Teachers Association Holiday Luncheon
Evansville Retired Teachers Association Holiday Luncheon and Program Thursday, December 12, 2024, 12:00 Noon – 2:00 p.m.
DECEMBER 10, 2020
The Evansville Retired Teachers Association (ERTA) will once again celebrate the Holidays with a luncheon and program on December 12, 2024, at the Embrace Church located at 6300 Washington Ave. In addition to 100+ members attending, we will also welcome Dr. David Smith, EVSC Superintendent, and Ms. Laura Penman, the Executive Director of the Indiana Retired Teachers Association.
Our luncheon will begin at Noon with a buffet meal followed by a Welcome Message from Dr. Smith. We also expect to hear greetings from the Indiana Retired Teachers Association by Laura Penman, Executive Director.
Following a short business meeting, the program will begin at 1:00 in the church sanctuary. Local musicians Mr. Monte Skelton, Ms. Gina Moore, and Mr. Bob Green will present their incredible instrumental and vocal selections to our group. Monte and Gina are both EVSC graduates and it is always a pleasure for us to see our former students perform. We are so proud of their success in our community.
The Evansville Retired Teachers website and our The Evansville Retired Teachers Facebook page provide examples of our programs and our work in the community.
The Evansville Retired Teachers Association (ERTA) is a vital educational organization of 211 active retired teachers who selflessly give of their time and financial resources to various non-profit community organizations such as Teacher Locker, Frog Follies, Tri-State Food Bank, and Hangers. ERTA meets five times during the school year with a luncheon and program featuring such speakers as U of E Coach David Ragland, Bill Bussing – Otters Baseball, the Evansville Wartime Museum, Red Cross, and annual visits from local choirs and musicians.
Contact Information
Janet A. Leistner
ERTA President-Elect
812-455-0384
EPD DAILY ACTIVITY REPORT
FOOTNOTE: EPD DAILY ACTIVITY REPORT information was provided by the EPD and posted by the City-County-County Observer without opinion, bias, or editing.
USI Baseball announces 2026 signing class
USI Baseball announces 2026 signing class
EVANSVILLE, Ind. – University of Southern Indiana Baseball announced early signees for the 2026 class. The Screaming Eagles welcome seven players to the program for 2026.
“Each player in this signing class does something that stands out on the baseball field,” USI Baseball Head Coach Chris Ramirez said. “Our recruiting focus was to become more explosive and dynamic both on the mound and throughout our lineup.
“We expect to win and compete for a championship,” continued Ramirez. “These future Eagles come from winning programs that are at the top of the national rankings every year.”
The class of 2026 newcomers, who are fifth in the @TheJBB Early Window Recruiting Class Ranking, are:
Dane DeWees | Outfielder | 6-0 | 175 | R-R | Sellersburg, Indiana
DeWees is in his second season at Southwestern Illinois College. He batted .369 as a freshman with 64 runs scored, 38 RBIs, 22 stolen bases, and one home run in 55 games. The right-handed hitting and throwing outfielder was a member of the Silver Creek High School’s state championship team in 2023.
Assistant Coach Brandon Krennrich on DeWees: “Dane is an absolute spark plug. He has game-changing speed and uses it on the bases and in the outfield. He is an elite athlete who has great bat-to-ball skills. Dane can create momentum quickly by making exciting plays on both sides of the ball. We look forward to getting Dane into our program”
Ryan Skwarek | Infielder/Pitcher | 6-0 | 170 | R-R | Crystal Lake, Illinois
Skwarek helped McHenry County College conference and regional championship team in 2024. He was named All-Conference and All-Region after hitting .384 batting average and producing a 4.91 ERA and two saves in five appearances on the mound. Skwarek was a two-time All-State, All-Area, and All-Conference performer at Crystal Lake South High School. He batted .430 as a junior and .400 as a senior at Crystal Lake South.
Assistant Coach Brandon Krennrich on Ryan: “Ryan is a plus athlete that can play all over the infield, really handle the bat in the box and step on the mound and be a difference maker as well. With the changing rosters, Ryan is going to be a huge addition to our program, allowing us to do a lot of different things with him. We are excited to get him in our program and watch him continue to develop.”
Jared Eckstein | Pitcher | 6-1 | 225 | R-R | Cincinnati, Ohio
Eckstein is appearing in his second season at Wabash Valley College. He produced a 3.38 ERA in 10 games as a freshman, striking out 18 in 10.2 innings of work. The right-handed pitcher also had a 1.47 ERA and 38 strikeouts as a senior at Elder High School in Cincinnati, Ohio.
Assistant Coach Brandon Krennrich on Eckstein: “Jared comes from a winning program in Wabash Valley. He has a big-time arm and the ability to strike out a lot of hitters. He has pitched in big games and is not afraid of the situation. We are looking forward to getting Jared into our program and seeing him continue to develop”
Konner Quinn | Pitcher | 6-5 | 235 | R-R | South Bend, Indiana
Quinn is in his second season at Wabash Valley College after producing a 4.50 ERA and nine strikeouts as a freshman in 2024. The right-hander was 4-1 as a senior in 2023 with a 1.06 ERA and 59 strikeouts for LaVille High School. He struck out 14 batters versus Oregon-Davis High School as a senior at LHS.
Assistant Coach Brandon Krennrich on Quinn: “Konner comes from up the road at Wabash Valley. Quinn is a big body with a big-time arm up to 94 miles per hour. He is just starting to scratch the surface of his potential, and we are excited to watch him continue to grow.”
Trey O’Neil | Pitcher | 6-2 | 189 | L-R | Williamsburg, Iowa
Entering his second season at Southeastern Community College, O’Neil was 5-0 with three saves as a freshman, finishing with a 3.90 ERA and 25 strikeouts. He also was an all-around athlete at Williamsburg High School, lettering in baseball, basketball, cross country, and track & field.
Assistant Coach Brandon Krennrich on O’Neil: “Trey is a competitor on the mound. His pitch ability is off the charts. He can start or close a game out. O’Neil comes from a winning program in Southeastern, pitching in the NJCAA World Series as a freshman. Coming from Southeastern, we know he will be prepared for anything that is thrown his way.”
Jacob Barrett | Pitcher | 6-0 | 200 | R-R | Evansville, Indiana
Barrett, who originally started his career at Murray State University, appeared in 11 games, making one start, while compiling a 0-1 record with three saves at Kirkwood Community College last spring. He also had a 4.26 ERA and 21 strikeouts in 12.2 innings of work. Barrett lettered in baseball at Castle High School (Newburgh, Indiana).
Assistant Coach Brandon Krennrich on Barrett: “Jacob, who comes from a winning program, is a local kid who we are excited to get back to Evansville. He can close games out with one of the best-breaking balls in the country. He has pitched in big spots, and we look for him to continue to do that at USI to help us bring home an OVC championship”
Gavyn Boyle | Outfielder | 6-2 | 200 | L-R | Gasport, New York
An All-American in 2024, Boyle batted .395 during his first collegiate season with 57 RBIs, 55 runs scored, and eight home runs in 57 games during his first season at Niagara County Community College. He lettered in baseball, soccer, and basketball at Royalton Hartland High School in Middleport, New York, before originally signing with Virginia Commonwealth University.
Assistant Coach Brandon Krennrich on Boyle: “Gavyn is a big-time power bat with the ability to make any park look small. On top of his power, he is a plus athlete with the ability to steal bases. Gavyn was an All-American as a freshman and is playing for Niagara, which is one of the winningest programs in NJCAA baseball over the last 10 years. We can’t wait to get his bat on campus.”
Allen Hernandez | Infielder | 6-2 | 205 | R/R | Wallington, New Jersey
Hernandez started his collegiate career at Howard Community College prior to transferring to Mineral Area College this spring. He had a .352 batting average in 32 games with six home runs, 22 RBIs, and 24 runs scored as a freshman. Hernandez lettered in Don Bosco Prep before starting his collegiate career.
Assistant Coach Brandon Krennrich on Hernandez: “Allen is an advanced hitter who had good power numbers as a freshman. He can play multiple positions across the infield. We are excited to get Allen in our program and watch him to continue to grow.”
Lars Dabrowiak | Pitcher | 6-7 | 225 | R/R | Nashville, Tennessee
Dabrowiak is in his senior season at Montgomery Bell Academy (Nashville, Tennessee).
Assistant Coach Brandon Krennrich on Dabrowiak: “Lars is a big body with a power arm and his ceiling is through the roof. He pitched well this summer in the Area Code games against the top players in the country. Lars is going to continue to get better and become a big part of our program. We are looking forward to getting Lars on campus and watching him become a household name in Evansville over the next few years”
Runner picks up her third MVC Freshman of the Week honor
Runner picks up her third MVC Freshman of the Week honor
The freshman guard had her fourth 20+ point performance
ST LOUIS – Freshman guard Camryn Runner (Cicero, Ind. / Hamilton Heights HS) earned her third weekly honor in only five weeks of play.
Runner continues her impressive freshman season after being named the Missouri Valley Conference Freshman of the Week by conference office staff. The guard was one of three Purple Aces players to put up over 20 points in UE’s 87-74 win over the SIUE Cougars. Runner recorded a stat in every category on the box score for Evansville while leading the Aces on both sides of the ball.
In 36 minutes of action against SIUE, Runner scored 21 points while leading UE under the glass with seven rebounds. Of her 21 points on Sunday, Runner made 16 free throws to raise her season total to 77 at the charity stripe. With 77 made free throws the freshman is third in the nation and leads the conference in the category. Runner also had a three pointer and a field goal on offense for Evansville against the Cougars.
Along with being one of the Aces leading scorers, Runner led the team in rebounds and assists on Sunday. Runner had a stat in every category but turnovers against SIUE as she pulled down seven boards, helped on five baskets, forced a turnover, and blocked a shot. The freshman currently leads Evansville in points, assists, blocks, and minutes.
With her third Freshman of the Week honor, Runner ties the most weekly recognitions by an Aces newcomer in the past seven seasons. Program leading scorer Sara Dickey had five weekly recognitions in her freshman season of 2013-14. While the MVC’s highest weekly recognition for a freshman in a season was Belmont guard Jailyn Banks last year with six.
-www.gopurpleaces.com-
Vincennes University Bowling places third at AHBA tournament
Vincennes University Bowling places third at AHBA tournament
FORT WAYNE, Ind. – The Vincennes University Bowling team closed out the 2024 portion of their schedule this past weekend with a strong showing at the fourth American Heartland Bowling Association (AHBA) tournament of the year.
The Trailblazers as a team placed third overall after the one day tournament consisting of four individual games and 10 baker games this past Saturday.
Vincennes was led in the individual games by another outstanding tournament by sophomore Dakota Waskom (Louisville, Ky.) who finished the games with a total of 850 pins, including a team-leading game of 264 to finish 11th overall.
Sophomore Nick Gregg (Salem, Ill.) was the second VU finisher in the top 20, finishing his four games with a total of 836 pins, finishing with three games over 200 pins and a best game of 227 to take 15th overall.
Sophomore Dylan Lewis (Louisville, Ky.) was the third Trailblazer in the top 20 on the leaderboard, placing 20th with a total of 800 pins in four games and closing out the individual portion of the day strong with his best game of 232.
Freshman Ryan Webber (Evansville, Ind.) just missed out on the top 20, placing 22nd with a total of 792 pins, with his best game coming right at the start with a 235 in game one.
Freshman Colton Martin (Breese, Ill.) rounded out the Vincennes individual games with a total of 667 pins to finish 38th on the leaderboard.
The Trailblazers found themselves in fourth place heading into the baker games with a team total of 3,945 pins.
Vincennes was able to climb up one spot after a strong showing in the 10 baker games, finishing with a total of 1,977 pins to give them a tournament total of 5,922 to finish third overall.
With this strong closing to the 2024 portion of the VU bowling season, the Trailblazers will enjoy the Holiday break before returning to the lanes Saturday, Jan. 18 and Sunday, Jan. 19 for the Kegel-ISBPIA Midwest Classic in Addison, Ill.
TOURNAMENT RESULTS
VU (3rd) – 998, 1070, 888, 989 – 3945. Baker – 1977. Total – 5922.
Dakota Waskom (11) – 194, 264, 160, 232 – 850
Nick Gregg (15) – 201, 227, 194, 214 – 836
Dylan Lewis (20) – 186, 195, 187, 232 – 800
Ryan Webber (22) – 235, 190, 176, 191 – 792
Colton Martin (38) – 182, 194, 171, 120 – 667