Gavel Gamut
By Jim Redwine
(Week of 13 June 2016)
WHO WILL BE THE FIRST?
The current presidential campaign began so long ago who wins in November has lost all flavor, except, who will be the First; will we have a First Lady or a First Gentleman? After so much mutual garbage exchange, it matters little who sits at the head of the table at White House dinners. However, who sits at the foot of the table holds considerable opportunity for making the cable news channels giddy.
Our first First Lady to occupy the White House was the redoubtable Abigail Adams who is remembered for her sage advice to John on matters of State and for hanging her family’s laundry in the East Room of the presidential mansion.
For over two hundred years our First Ladies, they have all been women so far, have admired the White House from afar and then proceeded to transform it to their liking when they moved in. Of course, the male presidents, they have all been male so far, also enforced their tastes, or lack there of, on the Executive Mansion. For instance, that Tennessee homeboy Andrew Jackson had brass spittoons lining the formal public drawing room and Georgia’s own Jimmy Carter personally managed the tennis courts.
However, from Dolly Madison to Jackie Kennedy our First Ladies have ripped up carpet, installed new drapes, changed the furniture and designed new paint schemes. It sounds like they all knew my wife.
Be that as it may, I have begun to look forward to January 2017 with anticipation. Let’s say Donald Trump wins. It will be like a re-run of the French speaking Jackie Kennedy who even re-did Abraham Lincoln’s bedroom. This time it will be Melania, who speaks five languages and knows designers personally who most of us are not sure are real people.
Think of Dior gowns at White House balls and Versace drapes in the Oval Office. Not only would our Peoples House be festooned with Gucci, Prada, Armani and Fendi, but The Donald could pay for them while Melania charms foreign leaders in their native languages. In other words, picture a complete reversal of the campaign atmosphere.
But what if Hillary Clinton wins? We have had a preview of what might occur when President Jimmy Carter was in office. Remember Billie, the First Brother? We did not get white washed tires embedded in the drive but we still had “Billie Beerâ€. Billie was to Jimmy what Bill may be to Hillary. And I have to assume the first First Husband will act about how all husbands act when their wives turn them loose around the house. I predict the first thing Bill will do is have a yard barn installed and fill it with tools he’ll never use.
Next I foresee a Man Cave being created in the East Wing complete with a pool table and big screen television of Jumbotron style. Of course, a refrigerator is essential as are several large leather recliners for husbands of foreign leaders to watch ball games and soccer matches with.
And just as the Trumps can fend for themselves financially so can the Clintons. Maybe all these improvements will be donated. I say let’s get this boring election over and move right to the international diva or the Arkansas homeboy invasion of the White House!
