Dear Lil,
At 42 years old, my wife is still scared of her parents! My in-laws are very politically conservative and scoff at the fact that I am a liberal. They have never accepted my views, and I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay with is the fact that my wife still tries so hard to please them, even to the point of lying to them about our life.
My wife can’t seem to be honest with her parents about her own choices. She has several tattoos that she hides each time we visit and she still won’t own up to the fact that her political views are completely different than her parents. She voted for Obama, and seems proud to tell our friends, but still lies to her parents saying that she just didn’t vote! I feel that she needs to talk to her parents about her choices and let them know that she is an adult with her own mind. I think they would be upset at first, but would understand because they love her and want the best for her life.
How can I convince my wife to start being a grown-up, be comfortable in her own skin and get the nerve to let her parents know how she really lives her life?
Thanks,
Rob
Dear Rob,
Every parent knows that their children will one day grow up to be their own person. We always want more for our kids, but sometimes we wonder why the values we instill in them become so different than our own. If your wife’s parents love her and truly want the best for her, they will accept whatever choice she makes.
I think that maybe your wife is doing the right thing here. She doesn’t want to rock the boat and cause tension within the family. Political affiliation is a personal choice and given the current climate, talking politics with someone from the other side can often result in angry feelings. When it comes to defending you as a husband, I hope your wife comes to your rescue quite often!
As far as the tattoo, your wife might be surprised by how her parents feel about permanent ink! Maybe she can suggest permanent eyeliner for mom. She might even like the idea! Tattoos are about personal expression. I have a few of my own and although I don’t go around showing them to everyone I meet, I’ll gladly show you mine if you show me yours!
It sounds like your wife is not ready to tell her parents how much her life differs from the one they imagined. Remind your wife how much her parents love and accept her, and maybe over time she will be able to tell them the truth.
Love and kisses,
Lil 🙂
