MESSAGE. MESSAGE. WHO’S GOT THE MESSAGE?

    5

    Raging Moderate by Will Durst

    Don’t look now, but the Democratic Party is undergoing an identity crisis of such monumental proportions, the Dissociative Identity Disorder people have called and are requesting artifacts for their Hall of Fame. They’re going to put Obama’s basketball hoop right next to Sally Field’s purple crayon.

    In the realm of improbabilities, it’s hard to beat… Democrats and their message. A lot like saying the Eskimos and their convertibles. The Mormons and their all-night dance marathons. ISIS and their art appreciation seminars.

    In the wake of suffering what can only be described as the most gruesome drubbing in the history of midterm elections, and yes, that includes the Republican sweep following The Panic of 1893, the Democrats commissioned a report to investigate what the hell went wrong and how to get their mojo back. Although, Harry Reid using the word “mojo” is probably not something you want to be ruminating upon right before bedtime.

    Ironically, this was the same self-analysis Republicans turned to after losing the presidency in 2012 to a black guy named Husssein in the middle of a lousy economy. There’s a word for contemplating your navel as a form of meditation: omphaloskepsis. And who can dispute that Democrats are the most naturally omphaloskeptic of the major parties? With Tea Partiers suffering from sesquipedalophobia – fear of long words. And Libertarians most likely to be ablutophobic – which is fear of bathing.

    This election post-mortem was based on interviews and studies and surveys and astrological forecasts and ratings on IMDB of the first two Hobbit movies and some random notes found on the backs of spindled lunch receipts and fortune cookie messages but only from indigenously correct restaurants in the Chinatown sections of four large metropolitan areas on the west.

    Though the official report isn’t scheduled to come out until May, preliminary findings of the soul-searching have been released, and the Dems have come to the considered opinion that it isn’t their message keeping them from a humongous pile of electoral victories, but the delivery of it. This time they really do blame the messenger. And it’s them.

    Yeah, and Domino’s would be renowned for terrific pizza if only they could figure out how to keep it from arriving cold and mealy with congealed cheese stuck the inside top of the box. And they used quality ingredients. Oh yeah, there’s that.

    Amazingly, this is the same exact conclusion the GOP reached in their post-Romney autopsy. You have to wonder if these guys use the same consultants. And guess what, they do.

    Former Democratic National Chairman and Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell blamed his party’s inability to get their point across because “our message is reasonable and intelligent, and almost inherently nuanced.” Well, there’s your problem right there. Inherently nuanced? Yeah, that floats down the middle of Main Street like a buzzard on a zephyr.

    Hey guys, the answer is pretty simple. You want to be the smart party, stop doing stupid stuff. You want to be known as a party with a winning message, quit being such losers. Want the middle class to turn to you for opportunity, provide some middle class opportunity. For crum’s sake, stand for something. Anything. Besides the national anthem, that is.

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    Copyright © 2015, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate.

    Will Durst is an award- winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com to find about about his new one-man show “BoomeRaging: From LSD to OMG,” and info about the San Francisco premier of the documentary film “3 Still Standing,” @ the Marines Memorial Theater.

    5 COMMENTS

    1. It takes two people(both political parties) to do the slow dances and get anything done in congress for the middle class. The President can’t do it all by himself. As long and the GOP stands in the way of progress for the middle class there is not much the President can do to help stop the decline of jobs for the middle class. I’m talking about good paying jobs where one can support a family. These jobs have all be driven over seas by people like Mitt Romney and all his rich factory owner friends who would sell their mother if they could make another billion dollars in the stock market.

      • Obamacare, don’t read it just pass it. Ellsworth didn’t read it and got passed over. John Gruber stated it best, the democrat party depends on the stupidity of the American voter. It’s been nearly 50 years since the Great Society was forced on us by LBJ and all we have to show for it is a bunch of whining liberal trustfunders and union workers joining the entitlement mentality bunch. Liberals are nothing but a bunch of bullies with a heavy dose of class envy that think they should be the boss. The best thing liberals have done for the conservatives and this country is too attack religious freedom, it has effectively solidified liberals and conservatives in their position and away from the possibility of compromise. At this time conservatives are on a winning streak in this country.

        • They picked up a few seats in the deep south in the smallest voter turnout in 60 years. I wouldn’t read a whole lot into that. The only one that’s disappointing was the Colorado seat. Controlling the house also says nothing about public opinion. The districts are gerrymandered to comical levels and nobody will do anything about it.

    2. What a stupid waste of words, no impact in dumb assed political licking articles like this. This stuff is ridiculous. period.

      ridiculous
      adjective
      Synonyms and Antonyms of RIDICULOUS

      r/.1
      so foolish or pointless as to be worthy of scornful laughter
      Synonyms absurd, cockamamy (or cockamamie), comical, derisive, derisory, farcical, laughable, ludicrous, pathetic, preposterous, risible, silly
      Related Words asinine, brainless, dumb, fatuous, foolish, half-baked, half-witted, harebrained, idiotic (also idiotical), imbecile (or imbecilic), inane, jerky, moronic, nonsensical, simpleminded, stupid, unwise, weak-minded, witless; balmy, cockeyed, crazy, cuckoo, daffy, daft, dotty, insane, kooky (also kookie), loony (also looney), lunatic, mad, nutty, screwball, senseless, wacky (also whacky); fantastic (also fantastical), far-fetched, inconceivable, incredible, unbelievable, unreal, unrealistic, unreasonable; illogical, irrational
      Phrases for the birds
      Near Antonyms earnest, serious, solemn; believable, conceivable, credible, logical, rational, realistic, reasonable, sensible
      2
      causing or intended to cause laughter

      Synonyms antic, chucklesome, comedic, comic, comical, droll, farcical, hilarious, humoristic, humorous, hysterical (also hysteric), killing, laughable, ludicrous, ridiculous, riotous, risible, screaming, sidesplitting, uproarious
      Related Words amusing, diverting, entertaining; clownish, knockabout, slapstick, slapsticky, zany; facetious, flip, flippant, pert, smart, smart-aleck, smart-alecky, snickery; jocular, playful, waggish; campy, jokey (also joky); priceless, rich, whimsical, witty, wry; blithesome, gleeful, jocose, jocund, jolly, jovial, laughing, mad, merry, mirthful
      Near Antonyms earnest, grave, no-nonsense, sedate, serious, severe, sober, sobersided, solemn, somber (or sombre), staid, unsmiling, weighty; affecting, moving, poignant, touching, tragic (also tragical); lachrymose, mournful, sad, sorrowful, tearful, woeful
      Antonyms humorless, lame, unamusing, uncomic, unfunny, unhumorous, unhysterical

    3. Obama, the delusional socialist claims we have less wold violence now that 30-40 years ago:

      “President Obama said he wanted Americans to gain perspective and be thankful there is less violence now than there was during the Cold War.

      Obama predicted Islam’s process to rid itself of extremism would be a “generational project,” he said in an interview with Chris Matthews.

      “I remind people that, you know, there actually is probably less war and less violence around the world today than there might have been 30, 40 years ago. It doesn’t make it any less painful but things can get better,” Obama said.

      http://freebeacon.com/national-security/obama-people-need-perspective-theres-less-violence-around-the-world-than-40-years-ago/

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