The Evansville Polo Grounds: Back By Reader Request

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A Visionary Idea to Benefit Citizens of Privilege

By: Thurston Howell IV

I have been reading with interest the willingness of local government officials in Evansville, Indiana to invest $20 Million in 8 ballfields and to donate public land and contribute public money to building tennis courts in order to stimulate the tourism industry. I think that I have a better idea for Evansville to consider.

My family has been enthusiasts for the sport of polo for many years. My father Thurston Howell III lost his edge in playing the sport while stranded on a tropical island with that foolish Gilligan and his boorish Skipper. Ginger and Mary Ann always made for good eye candy and the Professor was ingenious in helping the castaway crew survive. I have such fond memories of my childhood watching my dear fathers hired hands wash and groom our polo ponies prior to our participation in the grand sport of polo. Afterwards we would enjoy lobsters and quaff champagne while our servants tended to our ponies and replaced the divots in the polo fields.

It is my privilege and pleasure to propose to the government of the City of Evansville that your good public money should be appropriated to construct a polo grounds in Wesselman Park.

The beauty of the tourism dollars attracted by polo players is that it takes so few of us to make such a big economic impact. With just one polo tournament per year your local economy can expect at least two dozen private jet landings complete with an entourage’ that includes our polo ponies. Furthermore we will require the services of your local workforce to carry our bags, tend to our monstrous children, and prepare our clothing so that we are always prepped to our finest. Of course we will rent all of the finest suites in every 4-Star or above hotel that you may have in your village. We absolutely adore items of luxury like good Midwestern beef, lobster, Cuban cigars, beluga caviar, and Napoleon Cognac and will frequent your finest dining facilities for our entire stay. Money is no object to us so you can tell your constituents whatever large number that you like for what we have available to spend on our little soirees.

We are simply thrilled at the prospect of introducing Evansville to the sport of polo and equally delighted that no Evansville natives will participate giving us and our exclusive club of friends free reign over your public lands and facilities.

All we ask in terms of land is the 10 acres that the polo grounds will require, an air-conditioned barn that holds 50 polo ponies, a luxury paddock in which our entourage’ can watch us play, 20 cases of Opus One per match, and of course the obligatory fountain of Dom Perignon to celebrate our victories over each other.

Please consider our proposal. We are willing to ascend on your village aboard our fleet of Lear Jets to hijack one of your Parks Board meetings soon. Remember do not step on the steaming divot.

Ciao,

TH4

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9 COMMENTS

  3. Love it!!! If it will get equine lovers & supporters to our area – bring it on!!! Maybe they would allow us poor equine lovers to use the grounds in the off season or play a game for them to find amusing!!!!

  4. This seems pretty tongue in cheek but who knows. Any group that would be stupid enough to support $20 Million for 8 ballfields and would donate tax money to support indoor tennis may fall for such a scheme. Is Evansville really run by such fools?

  6. Think of it, indoor polo at Roberts Stadium. Evansville as the polo capital on the Midwest! High school polo teams! Too good to be true.

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