LIONS TEETH by Jim Redwine

2

Gavel Gamut

By Jim Redwine

(Week of 13 April 2015)

LIONS TEETH

That’s what dandelion means in French, tooth of the lion. I say it is time to march right into that lion’s den; where’s Daniel when you need him?

Every time it rains, and when hasn’t it, as soon as the sun comes out my yard is attacked by a veritable Serengeti of lions teeth. Peg delights in pointing out the profusion of protruding yellow heads attached to tenacious roots. “Jim, I thought you took care of that last spring when you invested so heavily in Roundup?”

She mentioned this last Sunday as I was wasting my time digging up about one hundred of the proliferating broadleaves. I think they had a meeting that evening to divide my yard into territories: “You guys take the area around the barn. You get the garden. Those of you who spent last year near the pond get the front yard this year.” It was probably like the meeting in the Appalachians when the Five Families were dividing New York and New Jersey for organized crime.

I say enough is enough. Before our only neighbors, the folks who live across the road, file for an injunction to prevent further incursions into their yard, let the lions teeth beware. You are about to meet that Great Dentist in the Sky. Either pull in your tendrils or meet your fate. No quarter will be asked or given. As soon as the rains stop for a day or two, a policy not unlike our approach in Viet Nam will be implemented. If necessary, I am prepared to, “Destroy the yard to save it”.

Oh, I have contemplated other strategies. What about dandelion wine? The problem with that approach is I was reminded of when my oldest brother tried that. The EPA got involved.

Then I considered trying to organize the moles who have decided our yard is their Nirvana. I have surrendered in the mole war, but I thought perhaps they wouldn’t mind eating the dandelions. They show no interest.

After seeing the enemy multiply into marauding hordes after I tried to individually dig them up, I have conceded defeat there.

No, I am ready for a scoured earth Armageddon! When Peg is gone shopping next weekend, I may just pour saltwater everywhere. I think bare dirt might not be that bad.

 

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2 COMMENTS

  1. Been there, done that Jim. I spent 4 dedicated hours years ago digging up every dandelion in my side yard one evening because I didn’t want to use poison because of the animals and bees that would be affected.

    The next day around noon my wife hid my guns for there were 3 times as many dandelion POS in the side yard as I had pulled up.

    And Nature taught me how to bend over properly that day.

    Anyway, being homeless, as bad as it is, has got its’ upsides cause I’ve never seen a dandelion growing under a bridge and they damn sure don’t need a lawnmower……

    or poison.

  2. Also your last article was kick ass but I’ve been extremely busy pulling fangs out of rattlesnakes or I would have commented on it.

    Will try to become more involved in the future bro.

    Later……

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