NOT SO GREAT DECISIONS OF HISTORY

Gavel Gamut

By Jim Redwine

(Week of 09 February 2015)

NOT SO GREAT DECISIONS OF HISTORY

“All right, men of the Fighting 7^th Cavalry, let’s just ride straight into that sleeping little Indian camp.”

“Release unto us Barabbas.”

“Don’t worry about the weather. Our Spanish fleet is indestructible.”

“Relax, fellow Redcoats. Not even George Rogers Clark could get his men through that frozen swamp.”

“I’m Sonny Liston and I don’t care what you say your name is; to me you’re Cassius Clay.”

“I’m going to just blow this fast ball right past you, Bobby Thomson; you won’t beat me again with a homerun as you did in game one of the playoff,” said Brooklyn Dodger pitcher Ralph Branca.

“Are you kidding me? Of course we’ll pit our 9 foot tall warrior against that boy with his slingshot.”

“I say we’re going into Russia right now. A handful of generals named December, January, February and March doesn’t scare me,” said Napoleon then Hitler.

“Those backwoods Americans are so dumb they are going to give us fifteen million dollars for the Louisiana Purchase,” said France.

And Russia couldn’t hide its glee when we bought Seward’s Icebox. Gold was discovered in Alaska soon thereafter.

“Look at all these glass beads we got from those white men for Manhattan Island.”

“You don’t think Menelaus and Agamemnon will get too upset if I steal Helen, do you?”

“I am the great Achilles. My mother is a wood nymph. I have no fear of Apollo and plan to destroy his offensive Trojan statue.”

“Look what those cowardly Greeks left on the battlefield. Let’s just capture this huge wooden horse and take it inside the walls.”

“Oh come on, Adam. Take a bite.”

“They say they’re from the government and they’re here to help us. Let’s see how it works out.”

“We’ll wipe out their fleet at Pearl Harbor and that will keep America out of the war.”

And, “I know we’re on the one yard line with less than 30 seconds left, one time-out and three more downs. Yes, I know we have a Mack truck disguised as a running back. But, I think we’ll just throw a little pass right into the middle of their line.”