Humorous and Hilarious Quips from James Carville

Submitted by Joe Wallace  December 2, 2024

James Carville, known as “The Ragin’ Cajun,” is one of the most colorful and sharp-tongued political strategists in American history. His wit and distinctive Southern charm make his commentary endlessly entertaining. Here’s a collection of some of his most hilarious and memorable phrases over the years:

On Politics and Campaigns:

“Drag a $100 bill through a trailer park, you never know what you’ll find.”
(On the Paula Jones accusations during the Clinton administration.)

“It’s the economy, stupid!”
(The iconic phrase he coined during Bill Clinton’s 1992 campaign.)

“When your opponent is drowning, throw the son of a b**h an anvil.”*
(On the ruthless nature of political strategy.)

“Running for president is like sex. Nobody ever did it once and forgot about it.”
(On the addictive nature of politics.)

“You can’t teach a pig to sing. It’s a waste of time, and it annoys the pig.”
(On trying to change political opponents’ minds.)

On Republicans:

“The only way to the White House is through somebody else’s wallet.”
(Critiquing conservative economic policies.)

“Republicans want smaller government for the same reason crooks want fewer cops.”
(On GOP anti-government rhetoric.)

“If you gave [Republicans] an enema, you could bury them in a matchbox.”
(On the lack of substance in GOP arguments.)

On Louisiana and the South:

“The chances of this happening are about the same as me getting a date with Cindy Crawford.”
(His humor when discussing political improbabilities.)

“We have some idiotic people in Louisiana. If they didn’t, the state legislature would be empty.”
(On his home state’s politics.)

On Himself and Others:

“I’m not going to call him stupid, but he’s somewhere between a plant and a rock.”
(On a political rival.)

“If Hillary gave up one of her balls and gave it to Obama, he’d have two.”
(A sharp jab during the 2008 Democratic primary.)

“That dog won’t hunt.”
(His colorful way of dismissing bad arguments or strategies.)

“If you want to be a better liar, practice telling the truth. It’s easier to memorize.”
(Classic Carville advice.)

On the Media and Modern Culture:

“The problem with the media is they’d rather be first than right. And I’d rather them be late and accurate than first and stupid.”
(On sensationalism in journalism.)

“I know you’re supposed to keep your enemies close, but we keep ours on cable news.”
(On the 24-hour news cycle.)

“Political news these days is like catfish. It’s bottom-feeding, but people eat it up anyway.”
(On the decline in political discourse.)

On Campaign Spending:

“You can’t buy chicken salad with chicken s**t.”
(On poorly managed campaign funds.)

“Some campaigns spend like drunken sailors. But even drunken sailors eventually run out of money, unlike politicians.”
(His critique of financial irresponsibility.)

“There are two things that matter in politics: money, and I can’t remember the second one.”
(On the centrality of campaign funds.)

Carville’s sharp tongue and relentless energy have defined his career, but his humor is what makes him so enduringly popular. Whether you agree with him or not, he’s undeniably entertaining!