Your Thanksgiving Survival Guide: Keeping Your Sanity When the Family Gets Together

Johnny Kincaid
November 25, 2024

Thanksgiving Day will be here soon and we’re all looking forward to a joyous day with the people we love. Right? Well, it probably is true for those with the perfect Norman Rockwell-type family. But, for a lot of us, some stress comes with family gatherings, and in some cases, when everyone gets together, there’s friction.

This year, I’ll stuff myself with my 67th Thanksgiving meal. Some were wonderful and relaxing while others ended on the verge of a drunken brawl. So, in the interest of family peace, I will offer a few tips on surviving the big get-together.

Don’t let the work take the fun out of the day: The first point of stress happens long before the meal begins. One of your guests may feel overwhelmed by the task of making the green bean casserole and may find it difficult to relax and quit jabbering about the cost of cream of mushroom soup. The entire meal prep process can make you lose your holiday spirit. Acknowledge that there are limitations to what you and your guests can get done and consider buying the meal from a restaurant.

Be prepared for travel plans to get changed: If you’re flying this weekend, understand that delays and cancellations are inevitable. Don’t be one of those who has a viral-worthy meltdown. There is very little you can do about those delays other than make the best of it. You might have to miss out on the home cooked meal and replace it with a horribly over-priced airport burger.

Set Boundaries: If I’ve learned anything, it’s that you can love your family and still protect your peace. That means it’s okay to say no—no to hosting every year, no to discussing politics at the dinner table, and no to overloading your plate (literally and figuratively).

Let Go of Perfection: Look, no one’s going to remember whether the napkins matched the tablecloth. They’ll remember the laughs, the hugs, and yes, the disasters. Like the year my turkey caught on fire. Was it embarrassing? Sure. But now it’s a family legend.

Stay Grateful (Even When It’s Hard): Families aren’t perfect, and neither are the holidays. But focusing on the good—like the joy of seeing your grandkids’ faces light up or the comfort of sharing a meal together—can make the tough moments easier to bear.

The First Holiday After a Loss

Now, this is the tough one. There’s no sugarcoating it: the first holiday season after losing someone you love is hard.

Give Yourself Grace: You don’t have to do it all. Some years, all you can manage is showing up—and that’s okay. Let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling without guilt.

Honor Their Memory: Set aside a moment to remember those who aren’t with us. Maybe it’s a toast, a candle, or even just a story about them. Keeping their memory alive can be a source of comfort.

It’s Okay to Say No: If a gathering feels too overwhelming, it’s perfectly fine to sit this one out. There will be other holidays, other celebrations. This year, focus on what you need.

A Word About Humor

If I’ve learned anything in my years, it’s this: life will throw you curveballs, especially during the holidays. The best thing you can do is laugh when things go sideways.

When the dog steals the ham, when the lights on the tree refuse to cooperate, when you burn the pie because you got caught up chatting—it’s all part of the story. And someday, you’ll look back and laugh.

So here’s my advice, from someone who’s been around the block a few times: don’t sweat the small stuff. Focus on the people you love, let go of the rest, and when in doubt, have another slice of pie. Because at the end of the day, the holidays aren’t about perfection—they’re about connection, love, and a little bit of chaos.

In the end, it’s all in God’s hands.