Rediscover Civility and Discourse Â
by Marie Williams, PHD
Whatever happened to civility? In the early 1990s, M. Scott Peck wrote a book with the title, A World Waiting to be Born: Civility Rediscovered. I have read this book numerous times and can’t count the number of copies I have purchased and given to others. I have also never forgotten many of the lessons learned from this book.
In the first chapter, Peck takes the position that civility is more than politeness and good manners. He quotes Oliver Herford (1951) who once said, “A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone’s feelings unintentionally.† In the first five chapters, he then develops a redefinition of civility as “consciously motivated organizational behavior that is ethical in submission to a Higher Power.â€Â He also takes the position that one must become somewhat contemplative to be civil. Quiet reflective time, sometimes taking the form of prayer, is needed for one to behave consciously.
If you read or listen to social media or any media today, I doubt you can find much evidence of civility at all. Consciously motivating ethical behavior? Submission to a Higher Power? These concepts are hardly recognizable. Impulsive and manipulative seem to have replaced conscious and ethical. It seems that greed for power and wealth has become our higher power.
Our democracy in the United States has been designed to “form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity…(Preamble to the United States Constitution). Leaders in our country have always engaged in civil discourse to make that happen. Surely, no one has all of the knowledge and truth needed to make the best decisions. By listening, sharing information and ideas, respecting differences, and working toward consensus, we can best deal with the challenges of the day and chart a course for the future. Â
I would like to suggest another book that was first published in 2002, but has a new 2022 edition, Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Third Edition, by Grenny, Patterson, McMillan, Swizler, and Gregory. Research since its earliest publication has only emphasized the dramatic improvements in organizational behavior when these tools are implemented. I don’t believe the stakes have ever been higher in my lifetime!
