Gavel Gamut
By Jim Redwine
(Week of 12 October 2015)
EEK!
A judge in Texas gave a man a choice between marriage and jail. The sentence was imposed in August 2015 in Smith County, Texas. Judges used to give men the option of two years in jail or two years in the army. I guess in Texas the choices are two years or life.
Or as Paul said in First Corinthians Ch. 7, verse 8: “It is better to marry than to burnâ€. Some biblical scholars say Paul was not saying marriage is just better than burning but, since Paul is not around to clear things up, I will rely on experience.
Until recently one could generalize about the differences in spouses based on gender. As with all generalizations there would be many exceptions but one could posit each gender in a marriage had certain traits. Today, clerk Kim Davis aside, each spouse’s traits are to be determined by observation, not assumptions based on gender.
This complicates things for newspaper columnists who wish to delve into the vagaries of wifely behavior. However, I will rush in anyway. Maybe Peg won’t read this.
What brought about these current musings was the return of the annual autumn mating season of large house spiders. According to the British Arachnological Society, now there are some folks in need of a better hobby, fall is the season arachnids go as crazy as teenagers. That is why spiders suddenly appear in our garage or even Peg’s kitchen. God help them if they do!
It is not that I welcome spiders or consider them fuzzy and cuddly. On the other hand, I do not screech and stomp as if the extermination of one small, amorous spider was essential to world survival.
I suppose when Peg is by herself no harm is done by her screaming “EEK!†and jumping off the floor. But when I have a cup of hot coffee in my hand and am lost in the reverie of a fine autumn afternoon, it is not the spider’s survival but mine that is in doubt.
As Henry Higgins said in exasperation in My Fair Lady, “Why can’t a woman be more like a man?†Would a man cause his spouse to risk a heart attack over a bug? I think not.
Uh, oh. Peg found my first draft and demanded that I include her version of the above event. As I am hungry and she refuses to cook until I do, here’s her take on things, “You don’t yell at such things as spiders because you are oblivious! If I relied on you, our home would be overrun with creepy crawlers and probably varmints too.â€
Now, Gentle Reader, I know you will be fair and agree with me that Peg’s assessment is unduly harsh. I ask you to cut her some slack as she made her comments under duress. A large brown spider was sticking itself out from under the refrigerator, or so she said. I didn’t notice it.
