Gavel Gamut
(Week of 24 August 2015)
TRUE FRIENDS
Mark Twain (1835 – 1910) in his book Pudd’nhead Wilson wrote:
“The passion of Friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.â€
Perhaps Twain was sending a message to a false friend he may have asked to help him out of Twain’s great financial problems he encountered as he began his sixties. Of course, with his biting sarcasm and cynical view of life, he may have just been being himself.
At the other extreme is Ralph Waldo Emerson’s (1803 – 1882) description in his essay, “Friendshipâ€:
“Should not the society of my friend be to me poetic, pure, universal and great as nature itself?â€
Emerson’s most uttered thought on friendship is, “The only way to have a friend is to be oneâ€. Emerson also wrote of false friends, “If he is unequal [of your friendship] he will presently pass awayâ€.
This last thought brings to mind a phrase from the song “Caledonia†by contemporary Scottish songwriter Dougie MacLean, which is the favorite song of one of my closest friends:
♪♪ I have moved and I’ve kept moving.Â
Proved the points that I needed proving
Lost the friends that I needed losing
Found others on the way. ♪♪
The ancient and universal proverb, “A friend in need is a friend indeedâ€, speaks to both true and false friends. We can all be friends when nothing is required of us. It is when our relationships with our friends cause discomfort that we find out if they, or we, are true friends.
Of course, when we attempt to determine what makes a particular person special to us we naturally look to our mutual experiences. Have we shared pain such as divorce, death, disappointment, discouragement or disability or happiness, such as marriage, birth, success, accomplishment and acclaim?
In going through this exercise several close friends come to mind such as my great friend of half a century, Walt Jordan, and my brothers, sisters, children and my wife who have had to accept my faults and foibles for a long time as well as those who have suffered my friendship for less time, but with no less frustration.
There is an unintended consequence of naming particular friends or even particular classes of friends. In the law there is a principle called ejusdem generis whereby one assumes if a general category of things, friends for example, is set out followed by a list of particular things, certain friends, then it is assumed all things, say all one’s friends, are set forth.
Such is not the case here. Fortunately I have more true friends than I could ever name in one article. And by way of this article thanks to each of you as I am sure my true friends read every one of my Gavel Gamuts.
